Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
