jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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