I think I won the penis lottery.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
now i know why i became what i already was.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
