So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
