We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
