What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
