so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
