i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
