Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
