Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
