You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
