Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
