wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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