i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
