my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
