You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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