did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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