Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
