Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You are the jesus of drinking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
