her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
