Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
