I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
