Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
