She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
