K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
