You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
