ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
