Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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