Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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