I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
