my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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