The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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