New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
