Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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