I puked a lego.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
