if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
