the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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