So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
