Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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