it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
