I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
