Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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