Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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