Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
