i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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