he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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