the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
