An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i believe in u and ur pee
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize