the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
