The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
