you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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