shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
