On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
