if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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