I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
