Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
