4 words: hood of his car
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
