it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
