do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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