put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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