She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
