TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
