I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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