I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
did you just send me my own nude
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
