i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
