i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
