we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
