i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
